Ep 208 How other people can expand your emotional capacity
Summary
This episode of the Boss Business of Surgery Series (episode 208) continues the discussion on expanding emotional capacity, specifically focusing on how other people can help surgeons expand their emotional capacity. The host discusses how surgeons traditionally focus on improving skills and knowledge throughout their careers, but emotional capacity is equally important yet often overlooked.
The host explains that emotional capacity refers to one's ability to handle the emotional ups and downs of being a surgeon, particularly the negative emotions that arise from complications or difficult cases. When emotional capacity diminishes, surgeons may compensate by overworking, checking charts repeatedly, or spending excessive time with patients, which reduces efficiency and effectiveness.
The speaker outlines several ways that other people can help expand a surgeon's emotional capacity:
- Finding a community of supportive individuals who provide a grounded, safe presence where surgeons can explore their emotions without judgment. These could be mentors, colleagues, spouses, coaches, or therapists.
- Looking for role models who demonstrate effective emotional management in similar circumstances, and learning from their approaches.
- Finding safe spaces to be authentic and vulnerable, which allows surgeons to understand themselves better, including how their weaknesses are often the flip side of their strengths.
- Seeking people who will appropriately challenge and stretch them, recognizing that expanding capacity for positive emotions also expands capacity for negative ones.
- Learning when to take breaks and how to properly recover from emotional strain, while addressing underlying thoughts and feelings rather than just removing stressors.
- Connecting with others who help identify meaning in their work and celebrate wins together through practices like "positivity rounds."
- Developing self-compassion through mindfulness, recognizing common humanity, and speaking kindly to oneself.
The host emphasizes that expanding emotional capacity allows surgeons to feel more deeply, recover faster from setbacks, and stay grounded during intense situations. The episode concludes with an invitation to join the Boss Surgery community, which provides a safe space for surgeons to develop these relationships and expand their emotional capacity.
Chapters
Introduction to Expanding Emotional Capacity β 00:00:00
The host introduces episode 208 of the Boss Business of Surgery Series, continuing the discussion on expanding emotional capacity with a focus on how other people can help. The host invites listeners to find their community and mentions the opportunity to join bosssurgery.com for 2026 while starting immediately.
Skills, Knowledge, and Emotional Capacity in Surgery β 00:01:01
The host explains how surgeons traditionally focus on improving skills (techniques practiced repeatedly) and knowledge (gained through experience and reading). While these improve over time, emotional capacity can diminish, especially after complications that bring up negative feelings like worry, insecurity, guilt, and shame. When emotional capacity diminishes, surgeons often compensate by overworking, checking charts excessively, or spending more time with patients, which reduces efficiency and effectiveness.
The Value of Expanded Emotional Capacity β 00:03:36
The host discusses why emotional capacity is important for surgeons, allowing them to manage the big feelings that come with both saving lives and sometimes harming patients. Expanded emotional capacity enables surgeons to feel more deeply (both positive and negative emotions), recover faster from setbacks, and stay grounded during intense situations. The host references previous episodes on lion taming, explaining how staying calm and grounded allows surgeons to provide stable, unhurried, non-judgmental energy to others.
Finding People Who Help Expand Emotional Capacity β 00:06:34
The host describes how surgeons can find people who make them feel grounded and safe - mentors, colleagues, spouses, coaches, or therapists. These individuals allow surgeons to explore their emotions without judgment and help them work through difficult thoughts. The host also suggests looking for role models who handle stress and uncertainty with grace, and learning from their approaches. Even online communities can sometimes provide support, though they require sufficient emotional capacity to navigate.
Learning from Role Models and Past Self β 00:08:18
The host recommends identifying people who model desired behaviors and emotional management, then learning from their approaches. The host notes that surgeons can also look to their past selves as models, reflecting on what motivated them to become surgeons in the first place (referencing episode 2, "Why We Became Surgeons"). This helps surgeons reconnect with their authentic selves in safe environments where they don't feel defensive or competitive.
Understanding Strengths and Weaknesses β 00:10:53
The host explains how coaches help surgeons understand their motivations, strengths, and weaknesses. Importantly, weaknesses are often the flip side of strengths - understanding this connection helps surgeons learn about themselves during times of insecurity or threat. Finding people who help surgeons understand themselves more deeply makes them more individually capable.
The Challenge of Stretching Emotional Capacity β 00:12:08
The host discusses how high-achieving surgeons want to feel challenged and be at the leading edge of their capabilities. Using a bell curve analogy, the host explains that expanding capacity for positive emotions (thrilled, challenged, stretched) also expands capacity for negative emotions (shame, intimidation, worry). As surgeons push boundaries, they must develop strategies to recover from discomfort and remember why they chose this challenging path.
Managing Breaks and Avoiding Burnout β 00:16:23
The host addresses how to manage when feeling overwhelmed or "fried." Rather than simply quitting or taking a break without addressing underlying issues, surgeons should understand the thoughts and feelings behind their diminished emotional capacity. The host recommends finding moments of control and agency, even small ones, rather than withdrawing from stressors entirely. This might involve seeking perspective from others and creating literal space in one's emotional capacity.
Balancing Achievement with Relationships β 00:20:00
The host warns against the "addiction" of trying to be everything for everybody, which prevents surgeons from developing relationships that expand emotional capacity. These relationships form a safety net that catches surgeons when they fall. Without developing relationships with others and with oneself, surgeons chase highs without protection from the inevitable lows.
Finding Meaning and Sharing Wins β 00:22:06
The host discusses how others help identify meaning in surgeons' work through supportive conversations and sharing wins. The host recommends "positivity rounds" - actively listening to and recording positive things patients and colleagues say. Many surgeons miss these affirmations because they're caught up in their thoughts, missing opportunities to be reminded of their impact.
Self-Compassion and Support Networks β 00:24:03
The host references Krista Neff's concept of "Fierce Self-Compassion," which includes mindfulness (being present with suffering), common humanity (recognizing others feel similarly), and self-kindness. The host describes an advanced concept of using past and future versions of oneself as guides. The episode concludes with encouragement to connect with others, try positivity rounds, reach out for help, and consider joining the Boss Surgery community or seeking coaching.
Action Items
Host recommends finding a community that helps expand emotional capacity. β 00:00:12
Host suggests visiting bosssurgery.com to join their supportive community. β 00:00:27
Host recommends looking back at previous episodes on overworking as compensation, emotional capacity, prolonged stress cycle, and lion taming. β 00:02:59
Host suggests identifying people who model desired emotional management and asking them about their approach. β 00:08:18
Host recommends practicing "positivity rounds" by writing down positive things people say about you. β 00:28:32
Host suggests reaching out for help when struggling by asking if others feel the same way. β 00:28:49
Host encourages finding someone outside your relationships (like a coach or therapist) who can ask difficult questions without fear of risking the relationship. β 00:29:02
Host invites listeners to reach out directly or visit bosssurgery.com for group or one-on-one coaching. β 00:30:30
